Some days are harder than others.
And then, there are the moments within the days that are unbearable. Some are expected, but the worst are the ones that overwhelm without any warning. Without any reason.
Yesterday afternoon I was picking up the house. Nothing major, and then without warning, the wave engulfed me. I was dodging the puppies when I realized I should have been juggling a six week old.
Not carrying six months worth of grief on my shoulders.
I have learned to just stop. If I let the wave come and I just ride it out, then I regain a sense of control much quicker. So, I went to Aidan's room. I sat in the recliner and looked at his things. I looked at his pictures. I missed him. I let myself cry for the things I am missing. I prayed.
I thanked God for Aidan. I thanked God for giving me the strength to love him and share him. I asked for a sign; reassurance that there is a purpose. I just needed a moment.
God talks in all sorts of ways. Previously it has been in a blooming flower, the sun shining through the rain, his birth date on the clock. God winks.
Other times he comes in loud and clear.
I wrote previously that I had been asked to write a devotional. I wrote it and sent it in. However, I NEVER expected it to actually be published.
I found out today that it was indeed published. Aidan's story is moving, changing and impacting people all throughout the world.
God answers prayers. Not always with the answer we want. Not always in the time frame we want. But, he ALWAYS answers.