Monday, November 7, 2011

Calm within the Storm

"Open your eyes, and see those things which are around us at this hour."
Richard Jeffries

"For this moment, the place where I am is my world."

These statements are beyond fitting for this Monday. Today was a day where I soaked it all in. I think it was the weather. It made me want to be in the here and now. Literally the calm before the storm.

If the past two months were a hurricane, today was the eye. This weekend was the eye wall. Something I had to pass through to be able to just enjoy today.

There wasn't anything special about today. Maybe that's why I found some relief? I was sitting at my desk and I said a little silent popcorn prayer. I just thanked him for allowing me to have a day where the pain was just a little more bearable. I thought of Aidan a lot. More than other days even. Always with a smile. Always at peace.

God knew I had reached my breaking point. He had given me all I could handle and then he assured me of his love and presence. And because of my rawness, my vulnerability, my willingness to listen I recognized the blessing of the day.

My pastor Beth, often speaks of beauty when she is talking about death. Beauty is a comfort. I saw today for what it was. I was in the moment an oh so grateful for the beauty around me.

Even tonight I looked over and saw him. His perfect face next to the gorgeous lilies Bre gave us last night. As I wind down and prepare to sleep, I am less afraid of my dreams. Some part of me hopes for sweet ones tonight. Did you catch that? Hopes. True genuine hope.

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